I have soo many projects I could be working on them, but I’m not. I have time. I have energy right now, but I’m here typing this instead of doing any of them. Why is that?
I have several projects on the go at any one time. Usually at least 3, and at least 5 more that I have tumbling around in my head. I have so many projects so that I can bounce around from one to another as I get bored – because I don’t want to get bored. I do want to finish some of them. I think I like starting projects more than I like finishing them.
I have a few that MUST be done. Not because there is any specific deadline, or any big repercussions if I don’t finish. BUT the project is just one step in a larger project.
I went to the park yesterday and filmed some harp and some Rav Vast. I’ve been meaning to do this for MONTHS. I’ve had the equipment to do this for months. I did need a spare battery for my camera though, as my existing one is crap for video and doesn’t last more than like 15 minutes. I think I should get another new one and use is as the backups backup. Anyways….
I want to have videos of some of my harp playing. I want it for examples for busker applications and to send to anyone else that might be interested in having me play background music at a function. They’ll want to hear what I can do before booking me, so stage 1 is having something for them to see/listen to.
The problem is the time – video projects can take a long time. I’d LOVE to do something slick and professional looking, but that takes even longer. Even the dumbed down version of a ‘music video’ takes time – recording the track, editing the audio, recording video at multiple locations to the track, recording B-roll video, editing it all together…it just all feels exhausting.
So, I thought I’d try the lazy way just to get something done – not perfect, not great – but SOMETHING. Something is better than nothing. And I thought that recording video on location could be more ‘authentic’ – but I’m hesitating on reviewing the material.
What if it’s out of focus? What if the sound has too much ambient background noise? What if the exposure isn’t good? What if my angles aren’t good? What if, what if, what if. Doing shoots on your own is difficult – there’s too much to think about all at once. I suppose the smart thing to do would be reduce the size of the project and just do one song at a time. I’m impatient.
Part of my procrastination is FOMO – if I’m spending a long time on one project, that means I shouldn’t do or start another. The other half of it, is that the part I enjoy – the playing – stops while I take the time to review and edit, and it’s not as enjoyable – it feels more like work. Work I need to do in order to progress the larger project of getting hired to do background gigs.
Why do I even want to do background gigs? It’s going to be pressure and stress. I’m going to have to load up and pack in and set up and then play while there’s people around…I think part of it is that I want to share my music. I’ve been playing piano and flute for decades now, and I’ve never really felt the same about them. My music was really for me, and I didn’t really like having to perform. I didn’t like recitals. I didn’t like playing Christmas songs for family to sing along to. I did like playing flute at church, but not as a ‘special number’ – likewise with piano. That’s one of the reason I want to do background gigs and not performance. But with harp, I want to share my music. Same with the new drum I bought. I want people to feel the serenity that music gives me. I want to bring them beauty and peace. And I want some extra money for when strings break!
I want to play in the lobby of the hospital or in a courtyard or a park near there. I want my music to bring comfort and a moment of tranquility. Even the locations when I’ve taken my drum out, I feel different. Yes, I want to try busking, but the locations don’t feel the same where they’ve designated spots for busking. I’d rather play by my creek, or the little waterfall in the downtown park, or under one of the huge trees in the other park. I want the location to fit the music as much as I want to play, but those aren’t spots that people give you money for playing – I’m ok with that. I just want to try busking to get used to playing while people are listening.
It really is the best thing ever though when out I’m playing and people stop to tell me that they enjoy what I’m playing. Even just stopping by and asking questions is nice. It’s nice to be seen but also to know that I’ve had an effect. The best experience was when I was playing by a little, gurgling stream and a man lingered to watch the stream and listen. After a while, he came up and thanked me, saying he was having a hard time lately and my music helped him feel restful. The combination of the stream sounds, the park environment and my playing had touched him and that was the best give to me I could get that day. that’s when I decided it was more than just getting used to playing in front of people and more than just recognition.
So I guess the best thing is to just get at it and get it done so I can move forward and explore the purpose of my music.